What Makes Marriage Work?
“Marriage is not just a spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.”
– Dr. Joyce Brothers
You’ve found the love of your life and taken the plunge. And while novelty and newlywed bliss have carried you along for a while, reality is starting to set in. Every day is no longer wine and roses, you’re experiencing more conflict and getting the sense that more work may be required to make your marriage work long term.
So what really makes marriage work?
In a survey of more than 35,000 U.S. adults by the Pew Research Center, some surprising findings emerged regarding what couples felt was important for achieving a successful marriage.
The results, weighted by various demographic strata, revealed that more than half (61%) of respondents say sharing household chores is “very important.” What’s more, it’s considered very important for both married and unmarried subjects, and for both men and women.
In fact, household chores ranked as “very important” by a greater percentage of participants than other factors: adequate income (46%), shared religious beliefs (44%), agreement about politics (16%) or even having children (41%). Only having shared interests (66%) and a satisfying sexual relationship (63%) were indicated by a higher percentage of respondents to be very important.
With Dr. Joyce Brothers’ sage advice in mind, here are some tips for a more mutually satisfying distribution of household tasks — and marriage:
- Make it about what you’re good at, not just gender. He loves cooking and she likes yardwork? Go with it — regardless of any gender-based stereotypes.
- Rotate undesirable jobs. No one wants to feel stuck with the worst tasks. Show you care with your willingness to trade off garbage duty and doggy clean up responsibility from time to time.
- Use a task-tracking app with sharing features to record your progress on chores and projects together, and reinforce the fact that you’re on the same team. You can make a game out of getting things done together, complete with prizes. Don’t let housework become adversarial — work together and appreciate your accomplishments as a team.
- Don’t forget to say thank you to your spouse for completing a task, even if it’s his or her “assigned job.” Everyone likes to feel appreciated, even for things they’re expected to do. And adopting an “attitude of gratitude” will make you happier too.
- Consider hiring out for yard- or housework if you’re both getting overwhelmed (and it fits within your budget). Research shows that one of the few ways money can actually help generate happiness, once your basic needs are met, is to pay someone to do things you don’t like doing.
Now it’s time to break out the mop and make that marriage work. Hey, you missed a spot over there …
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